Okay so here it is, my extra credit assignment for Soc that wound up being three pages when it was only supposed to be one. Heh.

What is my ideal husband like? When I was assigned this as extra credit, I was very excited, as this is something I have been thinking about for quite sometime. Especially since I got the bouquet (notice how I said ‘got’ and not ‘caught’) at a wedding on February 12, 2005. This assignment should come fairly easy to me, because of that.

The most important thing I want in a husband is someone who has the same beliefs as me. I would prefer a Messianic Jew, but if I find a nice gentile boy with the same beliefs as me, I am not going to turn him away just because he is not Jewish, because that would be stupid. But if I like two guys equally and one was a Messianic Jew, I would most definitely take him over the other one. That will get a guy bonus points in my book every single time. Having the same beliefs as me includes the willingness to pray with me on a daily basis. I know from experience any relationship not based on a spiritual foundation will crash and burn. Sizzle. I thought I would throw in some onomatopoeia.

The next most important thing is that he has got to be understanding, patient, sensitive, and supportive. I count those as basically one trait, because I do not believe you can have any one of those without the other three. They walk hand in hand in hand in hand. I have Bipolar Disorder and the last thing I need is for someone to walk away from me when I am crying. I have had that happen to me before and it was not the least bit enjoyable. If he cannot deal with that then I cannot marry him. No exceptions.

I think smoking is gross and I do not think it is right or a good idea to drink or do drugs. Okay having a drink or two is okay if you are 21, but getting drunk is completely unacceptable and will not be tolerated by me. There is no way I can marry a man who does drugs and or gets drunk because not only is he putting himself and other people in harms way, but he is not in control of himself and I do not want or need to be cheated on.

Marriage is sacred and I believe in one person, one lifetime. Which means I do not believe in divorce and I would not want to marry anyone who does. That also means I do not believe in premarital sex and I would really like to marry a man who feels the same way. I am not going to not marry someone just because he has already been with someone else. If he has been with one other person and he did it because he was in love I would understand, but there is no way I could understand any reason for doing that. In the event that he has been with someone already, he must respect the fact that I am waiting until I am married.

A sense of humor is another key ingredient in my ideal husband. I cannot be around someone with the personality of a wet mop and I try to avoid those kinds of people at all costs. If he cannot make me laugh he is out. While a sense of humor is very important to me, what is even more important is if he can make me smile. I do not really know how to explain that, but it makes sense in my head and that is all that matters…unless it is someone telling me to burn things.

He also definitely needs to be smart. I do not think I need to expand on that, because I think it explains itself but two sentences does not equal a paragraph so I need to think of something else to say. I do not need him to be Mensa worthy, but I do not want him to be the type of person that thinks tuna is chicken. All I ask is that he can carry on a semi intelligent conversation.

There are some other things that are important to me that I cannot make into a full paragraph, so I am writing them all in one. I would like him to be taller than me. I am only 5’3” so that should not be hard. I also cannot marry anyone who puts ketchup on his hot dogs. I will make an exception if he is not from Chicago, but only if he agrees to change his wayward ways. Although not very important, I will give bonus points to a man who has any of the following things: good looks, an Australian accent, or a good singing voice.

I am sure there are some things I am forgetting. There are also some things that I left out, because I think they are implied. For example, I would not want to marry a man who commits felonies. That is just common sense. I do not want to find body parts in my refrigerator, or anywhere else for that matter. I could go on and on about this topic and expand on a lot of things I have said, but I have already rambled on for a page and a half longer than I was supposed to, so I am going to bring this puppy to a conclusion.

While all of the aforementioned things are very important to me and my ideal husband would have all of the above qualities, he should have something wrong with him. I know from experience that it is not a good idea to enter a relationship thinking someone is perfect, and, if need be, I will go out of my way to find a flaw, just so that I am not disappointed later on. This may seem unrealistic but I am confident God will allow me to marry a man with all of these qualities and I am not worried.

~Jane and Michael Banks

Okay so I didn’t sign it Jane and Michael Banks, because I didn’t think he would get the reference, but I added it here. I also should have said he gets extra points if he can play the kazoo. Oh and I was sort of rushed when I wrote this.

Someday love will find me in the rough

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