MySpace Top 8…your entire relationship depends on it

Because I can’t sleep…

“I don’t care if you think of me as a racist…as long as you think of me as a thin racist.” -Sarah Silverman

“The next time I want to date a guy, the first question I will ask him is ‘do you have a foreskin?'” -Marni

I started reading the book Betrayed! by Stan Telchin, tonight. I am hoping to hang out with Rachel this week and I would like her to read it. I’m just under half way through it, so I have not gotten to the climax yet.

I watched Comic Relief the other day…on TBS. Watching an HBO special on basic cable makes you wish that you weren’t even watching it in the first place, especially if Robin Williams is in it. The censors decided to let the s word go, but everytime someone dropped the f-bomb, they would bleep out the ENTIRE SENTENCE. I missed half the show. Why can’t they just bleep out the word? Sarah Silverman walked out and I said “Great, I’m not going to be able to hear anything she says.” Sarah Silverman is smarter than the average bear. She dropped it twice, both the same sentence, and I could tell exactly what she is saying. Also, they had a really nice set of houses in the background and she said “Why didn’t they just build these in New Orleans? I’m confused.” Heart Sarah Silverman.

The whole MySpace top friends thing is ridiculous. I understand having a top friends, but you shouldn’t have to choose the order, it should just be the people you pick, in a random order. Christy is at number one for a reason, but everybody else on my list…yeah I dunno. I have no idea how to rank them and I don’t know if they even all belong there. I don’t know why I even have 12 people when I don’t think I even consider 12 people in my life to be friends. Also, I hate girls and my entire top 8 is all girls. Okay I don’t hate the girls on my list, I mean I hate girls in general…but who doesn’t? I have only four guys on my list at all.

In the past few weeks I have happened upon some pretty weird situations. A couple people who have me in their top friends that…I really have no idea why I’m there.

*Case number 1: Melissa “Dixie” Dickson Burrows. I have known this girl since second grade. She has spent a total of 15 seconds since then being nice to me. She has a top 8 out of 31 MySpace friends. I am at number 8.

*Case number 2: Mark Wachholder. He was my boyfriend in kindergarten and first grade. I’m not going to lie, I kissed him on the lips (what can I say…I was a very slutty five year old). Sometime near the end of first grade I stopped talking to him (I’m not going to post on here why…you can ask if you want. Let’s just say I am a very bad person) and, since then, we have exchanged about 20 words, including the two MySpace comments last week. He has a top 24 out of 58 friends. I am at number 24.

*Case number 3: random weirdo on MySpace who should probably be deleted form my friends list altogether. The only way I will add someone to MySpace that I don’t know is if they are Messianic. This guy added me a few weeks ago and he is Messianic so I was like fine I’ll add him, even though he is 31 and very creepy looking. He sent me a message entirely in Hebrew. I sent one back saying I don’t speak Hebrew, so he sent me one entirely in Spanish. I sent him another one saying I don’t speak Spanish, so he sent me one in English that said “Here is my e-mail address if you ever want to talk.” I did not respond to that one, and, of course, did not e-mail him. Then the other day I hear from him again, another message in Spanish. I message him back saying I don’t speak Spanish. Again he sends me “Here is my e-mail address if you ever want to talk.” Again, I did not respond. But I looked at his page…he has a top 24 out of 264. I am number 17. The tagline on my page is “Don’t message me if you are creepy. Seriously.” It’s on private, but once you can see my profile, it says I am in a relationship. And, unless I am on your Facebook list, you probably assume that I really am in a relationship.” He obviously can’t ready English.

And, don’t forget, if you’re not in someone’s top 8 it means they don’t like you. If they tell you you are their friend in real life, they are lying. 🙂

Oh, and maybe I should explain the last entry to the people from out of state….basically, Macy’s raped Chicago.

What American accent do you have?

Your Result: The Inland North
 

You may think you speak “Standard English straight out of the dictionary” but when you step away from the Great Lakes you get asked annoying questions like “Are you from Wisconsin?” or “Are you from Chicago?” Chances are you call carbonated drinks “pop.”

Philadelphia
 
The Northeast
 
The Midland
 
The South
 
Boston
 
The West
 
North Central
 
What American accent do you have?
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You paid attention during 86% of high school!

 

85-100% You must be an autodidact, because American high schools don’t get scores that high! Good show, old chap!

Do you deserve your high school diploma?
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Haha that couldn’t be further from the truth.

What mental disorder do you have?

Your Result: ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder)
 

You have a very hard time focusing, and you find it difficult to stay on task without your mind wandering. You probably zone in and out of conversations and tend to miss out on directions because you cannot focus

Manic Depressive
 
Paranoia
 
OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder)
 
GAD (Generalized Anxiety Disorder)
 
What mental disorder do you have?
How Illinois are you?

Your Result: Somewhat Illinois
 

You might have passed thru Illinois. Did you like what you saw? Why didn’t you stay awhile? We have some great places here in this fine state!!! Did you enjoy this quiz?

Not Illinois
 
Kind of Illinois
 
Sort of Illinois
 
Total Illinois
 
How Illinois are you?
You’re totally like 45% California!

 

You’ve been here before, haven’t you? Wasn’t that you I saw stepping into Brad Pitt’s cement footprint at Mann’s Chinese and telling your mom to “Take my Picture!”? I thought so!

How California are You?

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