Shellie: You’re taking bowling as a class? Isn’t that how you get a B.A. in B.S.?

I started reading The Bible again the other day. I believe this is my fourth attempt. However, this time is different, for this time I am reading The Message. The problem I had before was it’s too hard for someone who can’t concentrate on anything. I am still early on in Genesis, but so far it is a lot easier read than the NIV. And thanks to Bible Gateway, I didn’t have to buy it.

About a month or so ago Anne McClure was doing either prayer or communion at church and she was talking about a game that her youth minister made up for church camp called “Angels and Demons.” On one side of the camp was Heaven and the other side was Hell. All of the campers were blind folded and the staff were divided into three groups: The Angels, which would say “Come with me, I will take you to Heaven” and would lead the campers to Heaven, The Demons, which would say “Come with me, I will take you to Heaven” and would lead the campers to Hell, and the Screaming MiMis who would just walk up to people and start yelling at them. At Heaven, someone would start singing a praise song and once the other campers got there, they would join in. At Hell they were just standing there doing nothing. Anne said that at the end of the game the youth minister had asked one of the campers that made it to Heaven how he figured out who to follow and the camper said “You just have to learn how to drown out all the noise and listen for the singing.”

There is too much noise in my head. I need to listen for the singing. I am hoping this attempt at reading The Bible will be a successful one.

I have also decided to stop going to Campus House. I am at a point in my life where I would really rather be going to synagogue. Here I don’t have that choice, unless I want to drive four hours round trip every Friday night. I feel like it is Campus House or nothing and I feel like if I don’t go anywhere people will think I am blowing off God, which I am not. I know I am not. But recently I have been having to force myself to go to Campus House, and when I go, I can’t even pay attention. I’m just bored with it. And it’s not because I’m blowing off God, it’s because church isn’t for me. And I don’t care if other people think I am falling away from God, because I know I am not and God knows I am not. I still plan on being in a Family Group for the rest of my time at Eastern, however.

I have also started trying to find a home synagogue. Thanks to a girl on Facebook I found out that all the college kids go to Adat HaTikvah in Evanston. I was all set to go this weekend, but I was up at 5am and was not feeling well at all and realised I would not have time for a nap. I am just going to go over winter break. For some reason Marni decided to go. She said she hated it and there were only two college kids there. Whatever. I’m not going to let that stop me from going.

I went to the eye doctor last week. The eye drops I was using did not help at all so now I have to use a steroid eye drop. A possible side effect is Glaucoma so I had to have a Glaucoma test, which was described to me as “I’m just going to put a stick in your eye for a couple minutes,” but it was either let him do that or never be able to wear contacts again. And he was just messing with me, that’s not really what the test was. And he used numbing drops in my eyes, which was the weirdest feeling ever.

Marni got her nose pierced. And not a stud. A big hoop. She also put the song “Memory” on Ivy’s MySpace.

I was looking at my Facebook the other day and saw where it said “Mundelein” for hometown. That’s not right. Mundelein doesn’t feel like home to me. I don’t know if it ever did. Charleston doesn’t feel like home to me either. So I deleted home town. But I feel pathetic if I have no home town. I put California just to see what it was like. Oh it felt so good. So I left it. It’s sad that somewhere I have never been feels more like home than somewhere I have lived for 18.5 years.

The other day I was coming home and saw a car flipped on its side on Crystal right before it meets Midlothian. Where the speed limit is 25mph. Only in Mundelein…

I drove to school today! I have a car here! My Mom gave me directions so we (Scott Sakoda was with me) wound up taking the scenis route. Yeah I’m not going to get into that, but let’s just say it wasn’t nearly as bad as when my Mom gave me directions on how to get home from Milwaukee and we took the scenic route for two extra hours (I live one hour from Milwaukee and it took three hours to get home).

So what is this David Cassidy thing that Clay Aiken has going on?
Picture 1
I don’t like it.

At least two of my sea monkeys are pregnant. It looks really weird, because they are sort of beige-ish in colour and the eggs are black. I wish I could take a picture. I’m going to be a Grandma!

This made me laugh…

The Proper Way to Treat a Lady:

1. When she asks how she looks, shrug and say “could be better.” This will keep her on her toes, and girls love that.

2. Never hold her hand. This can be interpreted as a sign of weakness. If she grabs your hand, squeeze hers really hard until she cries (this will impress her by showing her what a strong man you are).

3. Once a month, sneak up on her from behind and knock her over. Girls are like dogs; they love to be roughed up.

4. Call her in the middle of the night to ask if she’s sleeping. If she is, say “you better be.” Repeat this 4 or 5 times until morning. This will show her you care.

5. When she is upset about something, suggest to her that it might be her fault. This will pave the way for her own personal improvement, and every girl needs some improvement.

6. Recognize the small things, as they usually mean the most. Then when she’s sleeping, steal all her small things and break them, because jewelry is for pussies.

7. If you’re talking to another girl, make sure she’s looking. When she is, stare into her eyes, mouth the words “fuck you” and grab the other girl’s ass. Girls love competition.

8. Tell her you’re taking her out to dinner. Drive for miles so she thinks it’s going to be really special. Then take her to a burning tire yard. When she starts to get upset, tell her you were just kidding and now you’re really going to take her to dinner. Then drive her home. When she starts crying and asks why you would do something like that, lean over and whisper very quietly into her ear “…because I can.”

9. Introduce her to your friends as “some chick.” Women love those special nicknames.

10. Play with her hair. Play with it HARD.

11. Warm her up when she’s cold…and not by giving her your jacket, because then you might get cold. Rather, look her in the eye and say “if you don’t stop bitching about the cold right now, you’re going to be bitching about a black eye.” The best way to get warm is with fear.

12. Take her to a party. When you get there, she’ll have to go to the bathroom (they always do). Leave immediately. Come back right when the party is dying and yell at her the whole way home for ditching you all night.

13. Make her laugh. A good way to do this is if she has a small pet. Kick the pet. I always find stuff like that funny…why shouldn’t girls?

14. Let her fall asleep in your arms. When she’s fast asleep, wait 10 minutes, then jump up and scream in her ear. Repeat until she goes home and you can use your arms for more important things (like basketball).

15. Spit often. I hear girls like guys that spit.

16. If you care about her, never ever tell her. This will only give her self-confidence, then you can never turn her into the object she deep down desires to be.

17. Every time you’re in her house, steal one of her shoes, earrings or anything else that comes in pairs. Only take one of the pair. This way, she’ll go crazy.

18. Take her out to dinner. Right when she’s about to order, interrupt and say “no, she’s not hungry.” Make her watch you eat. Girls love a guy that speaks for her.

19. Look her in the eyes and smile. Then punch her in the face. Girls love a spontaneous guy.

20. Give her one of your t-shirts, and make sure it has your smell on it (but not a sexy cologne smell…a bad smell. You know what I’m talking about).

21. When it’s raining, keep asking her if she’s crying. She’ll say “no, it’s just the rain.” Ten minutes later, turn to her and just scream at her to stop crying. Girls like a tough man.

22. Titty twisters and plenty of them.

23. If you’re listening to music, and she asks to hear it, tell her no. This way she’ll think you’re mysterious.

24. Remember her birthday, but don’t get her anything. Teach her that material objects arent important. The only thing that’s important is that she keeps you happy, and your happiness is the greatest present she can ever get.

25. When she gives you a present on your birthday, Christmas or just whenever, take it and tell her you love it. Then, next time you know she’s coming over on a trash day, leave the trash can open and have the present visibly sticking out of the can. Girls actually don’t like this one that much, but I think it’s funny.

26. If she’s mad at you for not calling her when you say you will, promise her that you will call her at a certain time of the day. This will make sure that she waits by the phone. Tell her when you call that you’re going to tell her a special surprise. Now she’ll be really excited. Don’t call.

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