I hate school. It’s seriously my least favorite thing ever. I just want to be done. I don’t want three or four more years of it. I’ve never had any motivation to do my work and I probably won’t graduate next year because I can’t bring myself to be responsible about anything with school. And this trip to CA is pretty much pointless, because how can I get to grad school if I can’t even get myself to class? This is the one part of my life that really makes me feel bad about myself. I’ve been frustrating my teachers since 3rd grade. The one thing I’ve always heard is I’m so smart and I would do so well if I would just apply myself. But I don’t know how. I don’t know how. And all it does is stress me out. Why does God want this for me when He knows I’m so bad at it? I have 18 days left before my trip and I just want to go and not have to deal with school. Aside from the dorm food stuff this year, I’m always run down because I’m always so stressed out. I just need a break. Maybe I should take some time off after I graduate next May (God willing). Just pick somewhere and move and get a job, establish residency, and then go to grad school. Because this stress is just getting worse and worse. July of 2008 is when I’m going to move, with or without grad school. That’s in 15 months! City TBD. I guess I’ll go in a couple weeks and whichever place I like best is where I’ll move. Except for my being extremely irresponsible with school, I feel like an adult. Something wonderful is waiting for me there and I can’t wait to see what it is!
EDIT: Thinking about starting grad school in Fall of 2009 feels good and I already feel less stressed out just thinking about that break. I also don’t have to worry about getting the GRE out of the way within the next six months then either. And thinking about the GRE is stressing me out. So, it’s settled. Move in 2008, start school in 2009. Yes. Wonderful. Less stressed out already. I am happy now.