So I’m pretty sure I have the Mumps, though I have no idea how I would have gotten them. Wikipedia says there’s no treatment, so there’s really no point in going to health services.
I’m going to go to St. Louis to make out with as many of The Cardinals as I possibly can. How dare they sneak up behind us like that! The LAST thing they need is to go to The World Series again. Jerks. (If that’s not ‘taking one for the team’ then I don’t know what is).