Here’s to the good life or so they say
All those parties and games that all those people play
They tell me this is the place to be
All these beautiful people and nothin’ to see
Sometimes I feel like something is gone here
Something is wrong here, I don’t belong here
Sometimes I feel like a stranger in town
And I’ve lost what I found, it’ll all turn around
Not that I WANT to stay here (here = Chicago, not Eastern, though I am writing these words while in Charleston), but I keep looking for a reason to stay, because the thought of moving so far away, and on my own, is just so strange to me. I keep thinking things will change. Something here is going to make me happy. To live somewhere for over 23 years and not have anything to keep you there is just ridiculous. And sad. I really have no reason to stay. And things just keep getting worse. I’m really becoming unhappy with my congregation and its basically there or nowhere, when I’m home. Plus the few people here who actually care about me are there. So that’s just the icing on the cake. There is no way I could ever be happy staying here. People ask me how I know God doesn’t want me to stay in Chicago. If He wanted me to stay in Chicago He would give me a reason to stay. If He wanted me to leave He would give me every reason to leave, which I have. I also know that just because I am supposed to leave, doesn’t mean I am supposed to leave now. He’s got something up His sleeve that I don’t quite understand.
Plus I decided a few months ago I would let The [Chicago] Bears and The [San Diego] Chargers vie for my future and The Chargers won, so there we go.